June 13th part 3

Today has turned into a nightmare. I bought some diuretics and diet pills from Kmart today. After i bought them i came home and binged off of cereal and tortilla chips with salsa until my calories went up to 3,500. I went to physical therapy and i swam for 30 minutes, which didn't seem like enough time. I'm very anxious today about this. I took a diuretic because i'm feeling bloated. I feel fat and look bloated. After my swim i weighed myself and had someone take my body fat percentage, which brought my anxiety down until i came home. I wanted to run but i'm so tired i can't. Instead of running i had a few pretzels. Which makes me more anxious. I have a lot to worry about, like: will my body store fat, did my metabolism slow down, did i eat unhealthy, did i eat too much, did i workout enough, will i gain weight, will my body fat percentage go up? Tomorrow starts my new diet. I can't have anymore snack foods, like pretzels, tortilla chips, etc. I will workout tomorrow and diet again until i lose more weight. I can't wait until i can visit my grandmother because i won't be tempted by the junk food she has in her house, because the junk food she has isn't vegan. Sadly my mother buys "vegan junk food." I hope i can forgive myself for tonights binge and never do it again.
I saw an extremely obese woman today and immediately thought: "i can't eat like i ate today- i might get fat, like that." Seeing people like that triggers me, but also makes me motivated to avoid it. I'm going to have some pretzels and start dieting tomorrow....again

Goodnight

P.S.  My weight today was 134 lbs and my body fat % was between 3-7 %.
Last time i checked a few weeks ago my weight was 143 and my body fat % was 8-9%
I'm proud