“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”

Monday, June 25, 2012

I lose

Once again the eating disorder wins. I am now binging off of all vegan foods. I don't know what's worse: I am binging or I can stop myself but won't. All the hard work of starving is ruined. I cant help but think that all that weight I lost will be gained back tomorrow. Every bite I take I think: "you pig. You're disgusting. You're a failure. You always lose. You can't even go a few days without stuffing your face-you fat pig. You're gonna end up like a fat slob." The more I think, the faster I chew. "Keep eating," everyone tells me. "fight the eating disorder." "No," I say "you just want me to get fat." I bet they think this is funny. I bet they are waiting for me to get fat. I know they are.
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2 comments:

  1. JeanneJune 29, 2012 at 5:22 AM

    I think it is helpful that you can notice exactly what your inner critic is saying. Your inner critic isn't very nice. It is a bully. You would never let a real person talk to you that way. Why do you let your inner critic get away with bullying you?

    Jeanne

    ReplyDelete
  2. DominicJune 29, 2012 at 5:58 AM

    That's exactly what mom tells me. I don't know how to fix that

    ReplyDelete

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