Summer is the time where high schoolers, like myself, and college students party and stay up late and have summer flings. These are the best days of my life....
For me they are the worst. I hate summer. I'm a very schedule oriented person. When I don't have order or structure in my life things get out of control. Having everyday to myself makes me more susceptible to binge eating and purging.When school starts I think the binging will stop until a long vacation.
The definition of an eating disorder is:"any of a range of psychological disorders characterized by abnormal or disturbed eating habits."
This is true for me. I do not believe I have anorexia, because I don't look anorexic (although the doctors believe I am severely underweight). I binge - even though all anorexics binge I feel like I'm the only one- therefore I feel even more like an outcast. People think that anorexics don't eat. Obviously anorexics eat. In fact they starve for awhile, then binge, then eat really healthy while exercising for awhile - maybe vomiting - but mostly they eat small healthy portions. They can become recovered then in the snap of a finger they can relapse due to a "trigger."
What causes an eating disorder? A traumatic event in someone life. For me it was the fact that my father (an athlete) and my mother (a perfect perfectionist) made me believe that they'd only love me if I'm perfect. Which I know isn't true. I can't blame my parents for my problems - or God. I guess I could also say a trigger would be our society. We live in a world where every magazine cover has to have a bodybuilder or stick thin model on it. That's perfect. But whereever you go you see fat people. I think maybe - since I'm a failure at life that if I can get that thin or buff people will like me better
. I work so hard to have abs from training and dieting. But when dieting and training because mentally and physically and emotionally draining you have to do something else to lose weight. So you take pills then smoke then starve and binge and puke and starve. And it becomes an addiction. I feel like if I lost all my control then I'd become a binge eater and become fat.
Eating disorders are about the need for control also. Yes obviously people want to control the outcomes of everything, but we can't. We can't control rejection, hatred, or jealousy. But we can control our weight - and if I can hide all my problems and focus on my weight and controlling it, then I don't really have many problems.
And when you want so badly to be perfect and when you begin to become a walking eating disorder you realize you were perfect before the disorder started - but now you're in too deep and you want out, but you can't because you're too afraid of what you can't control. You're afraid of God and life and rejection and falling in love because you just might get hurt. Then you'd rather die then deal with life, because we (eating disordered people) are weak human beings. So we starve ourselves until heart failure and organ failure hoping we die because we're too weak to just jump off a fucking bridge...all because we want so badly to control. Yes...this is the sad life of an eating disorder person explained.
For me they are the worst. I hate summer. I'm a very schedule oriented person. When I don't have order or structure in my life things get out of control. Having everyday to myself makes me more susceptible to binge eating and purging.When school starts I think the binging will stop until a long vacation.
The definition of an eating disorder is:"any of a range of psychological disorders characterized by abnormal or disturbed eating habits."
This is true for me. I do not believe I have anorexia, because I don't look anorexic (although the doctors believe I am severely underweight). I binge - even though all anorexics binge I feel like I'm the only one- therefore I feel even more like an outcast. People think that anorexics don't eat. Obviously anorexics eat. In fact they starve for awhile, then binge, then eat really healthy while exercising for awhile - maybe vomiting - but mostly they eat small healthy portions. They can become recovered then in the snap of a finger they can relapse due to a "trigger."
What causes an eating disorder? A traumatic event in someone life. For me it was the fact that my father (an athlete) and my mother (a perfect perfectionist) made me believe that they'd only love me if I'm perfect. Which I know isn't true. I can't blame my parents for my problems - or God. I guess I could also say a trigger would be our society. We live in a world where every magazine cover has to have a bodybuilder or stick thin model on it. That's perfect. But whereever you go you see fat people. I think maybe - since I'm a failure at life that if I can get that thin or buff people will like me better
. I work so hard to have abs from training and dieting. But when dieting and training because mentally and physically and emotionally draining you have to do something else to lose weight. So you take pills then smoke then starve and binge and puke and starve. And it becomes an addiction. I feel like if I lost all my control then I'd become a binge eater and become fat.
Eating disorders are about the need for control also. Yes obviously people want to control the outcomes of everything, but we can't. We can't control rejection, hatred, or jealousy. But we can control our weight - and if I can hide all my problems and focus on my weight and controlling it, then I don't really have many problems.
And when you want so badly to be perfect and when you begin to become a walking eating disorder you realize you were perfect before the disorder started - but now you're in too deep and you want out, but you can't because you're too afraid of what you can't control. You're afraid of God and life and rejection and falling in love because you just might get hurt. Then you'd rather die then deal with life, because we (eating disordered people) are weak human beings. So we starve ourselves until heart failure and organ failure hoping we die because we're too weak to just jump off a fucking bridge...all because we want so badly to control. Yes...this is the sad life of an eating disorder person explained.
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