8:00AM - Do you know what today is? Today is the aftermath. It's the aftermath of a binge. This is the day when I will spend my day worrying and praying to a God that my body won't store the calories from last nights binge. Something about last nights binge makes me think - that was it, it's over, i'll be fat soon - and it sucks. It makes me want to purge - but I suck at purging so I can't. So instead I pour myself some breakfast consisting of two cups of cheerios and almond milk with a banana: 330 calories. Apparently breakfast is the most important meal of the day; if this is true maybe if I eat breakfast it'll prevent me from binging at night. I won't eat for the rest of the day to compensate for last night...then tomorrow i'll consume under 500 calories and eat all my calories in the morning. Today I weigh 124.
"Great, you fat ass, you gained .4 pounds. You're a failure, you're pathetic. How could you?"
Then the angel appears on my other shoulder:"It's okay Dominic, you didn't even gain a pound; remember: YOU ARE UNDERWEIGHT. You are not fat, you will not get fat. You're perfect."
"No. You're not perfect. You are fat and pathetic; you're gross. You gained weight; it might not look like it but the scale doesn't lie. You're FAT, ugly, FAT, pathetic, FAT, gross, FAT!"
10:00 AM - I start doing jumping jacks to burn off something; anything. I guess I am fat. I can't eat for the rest of today. I should be punished. I fail. So I run 4.5 miles up hill, down hill, up hill - because hill running burns more calories - and I to be burning off everything I had last night plus today.
1:02 PM -After watching numerous interviews, documentaries, and reading articles on Marilyn Monroe I realized she's my idol. I am Marilyn Monroe.
Damn it I need a cigarette. I wanna chainsmoke the whole fuckin pack.
So at 9:30PM with hunger pains so bad, unbearable I have another carb binge. 4000 calories. I'm fat. I'm gross. I ate more than a typical person. I'm so fat.
"Great, you fat ass, you gained .4 pounds. You're a failure, you're pathetic. How could you?"
Then the angel appears on my other shoulder:"It's okay Dominic, you didn't even gain a pound; remember: YOU ARE UNDERWEIGHT. You are not fat, you will not get fat. You're perfect."
"No. You're not perfect. You are fat and pathetic; you're gross. You gained weight; it might not look like it but the scale doesn't lie. You're FAT, ugly, FAT, pathetic, FAT, gross, FAT!"
10:00 AM - I start doing jumping jacks to burn off something; anything. I guess I am fat. I can't eat for the rest of today. I should be punished. I fail. So I run 4.5 miles up hill, down hill, up hill - because hill running burns more calories - and I to be burning off everything I had last night plus today.
1:02 PM -After watching numerous interviews, documentaries, and reading articles on Marilyn Monroe I realized she's my idol. I am Marilyn Monroe.
Damn it I need a cigarette. I wanna chainsmoke the whole fuckin pack.
So at 9:30PM with hunger pains so bad, unbearable I have another carb binge. 4000 calories. I'm fat. I'm gross. I ate more than a typical person. I'm so fat.
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