The pain is unbearable. I'm so hungry. I woke up at 6:15 this morning, starving. I got up and rummaged through the fridge, saw the almond milk, and decided I would have cereal (which turned into 3 small bowls - or 1 really large bowl) and a 180 packet of vegan chili. Total: 1040 calorie.Now I'm so depressed. I'm such a failure. I consume more calories in 20 minutes at 6:15am than I should've for the whole day!! For a snack I consumed popcorn. And for lunch I had several mini bagels with peanut butter, jelly, banana, and water. I ran 4 miles to burn off the calories. As I ran I thought to myself, "it'll take more than 4 miles to burn off these calories you fat, stupid, average idiot - you'll gain the weight back. You'll get fat because you suck at dieting. You suck at life."
For dinner I consumed mexican food (that means binging)
I love mexican and until I was stuffed I ate then cried in front of my mother and her boyfriend. He reassured me that he ate more than me....I wasn't convinced, "I'm fat; i'm so fat," I cried out.
This morning I weighed 121
then tonight at 7:30 I weighed 128 in shit, food, and water --- but something about 7 being 7 pounds heavier makes me angry - especially because it's not real. I want to see the real weight. I want 121.
For dinner I consumed mexican food (that means binging)
I love mexican and until I was stuffed I ate then cried in front of my mother and her boyfriend. He reassured me that he ate more than me....I wasn't convinced, "I'm fat; i'm so fat," I cried out.
This morning I weighed 121
then tonight at 7:30 I weighed 128 in shit, food, and water --- but something about 7 being 7 pounds heavier makes me angry - especially because it's not real. I want to see the real weight. I want 121.
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