“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

July 11th - part 2

4:00 pm - I'm told by two different professionals in two days that I'm going die soon. I don't want to die. I don't want to be pitied. I just wanna be thin.

There's a certain feeling in your stomach when you find out you could die soon. It's bittersweet. On one hand you don't want to leave behind everything you love - there's so much to live for. And on the other hand you want to get it over with because waking up everyday and feeling fat and worthless when everyone else doesn't see it is hell. Complete hell. I just want to live and I want to be skinny. Is that too much to want?

God, please, if you love me don't let me die..don't make me fat.

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