I haven't eaten yet today. I am very anxious about last nights binge. I am starving myself today. I keep looking at myself in the mirror and making sure my body is still the same as it was the last time I checked. I keep popping diet pills, which reliefs my anxiety temporarily and makes me shit. Im afraid of losing my thin body, my stomach that sinks in, and my ribs thy stick out.
I've applied to be a volunteer for several eating disorder foundations. I applied to be a mentor, donate, and give awareness. I think surrounding myself with other eating disordered people will give me more support. I also want to help because I don't want anyone to die of an eating disorder ever again. Me on the otherhand- I don't want to become recovered, because I don't want to give up. I don't want to eat. I don't want to gain weight. I especially don't want to get fat.
My goal: Reach my goal weight of 118 by September 1st
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