My bones are brittle, my joints hurt, my gag reflex is sensitive, my overuse injuries still linger, my heart still beats irregularly sometimes (and it scares me), my growth has been stunted, I have constant hunger pangs, and my stomach randomly hurts at times; so no I am not going to have a happy ending...I'm only 18. I wake up everyday feeling the effects of what I've done to my body. My anxiety is still present. My OCD is still very much out of control. Everyday I want to go back because somehow it seems living with an eating disorder is a lot easier than dealing with the reminders and recovery and relapses. Somehow dying seems to be the better alternative. I haven't gone running without pain in months or swam. Even when I am weight lifting I still feel the pain from my knees (even when lifting upper body body parts). I've been through physical therapy and many doctors specializing in bones. I know it's more than overuse and overtraining. What I've done to myself is unforgivable. This is a combination of exercise compulsion and lack of nutrition to make my body function.
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