Today is my day off from the gym. I guess everything is looking how it should for a newbie bodybuilder. Muscles are growing and building and everything is perfect normal. But to me everything is not normal. Everything is chaotic. I look in the mirror and stare at my muscles thinking 'you look good. You look like a bodybuilder. You're getting there.' Then I see my thighs. I wonder if my muscle in my thighs in being mistaken for nasty, fatty thighs. I can't trust my own brain and I have no idea if this is reality..so I rely on other people for reassurance. With reassurance I can stay motivated and know that I DO LOOK GREAT; I AM GREAT; I WILL MAKE IT.
The recovery part of the eating disorder is the worst. I never want to eat again, but I have to...I have goals and dreams. And it just so happens that my dreams require me to eat. How ironic.
The recovery part of the eating disorder is the worst. I never want to eat again, but I have to...I have goals and dreams. And it just so happens that my dreams require me to eat. How ironic.
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