Funny how I think I'm in control. I'm not. I'm losing control. I'm sanity. I'm losing everything.
Losing control is binging off of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, crackers, tortilla chips, and a half gallon of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream.
Losing control is throwing it up after while crying on my aching knees over a toilet.
Losing control is starving the next day despite my irregular heart beats.
Losing control is isolating yourself from the world because you're ashamed of yourself; like eating is a sin.
Losing control is exercising despite your shaking knees.
Losing control is having nightmares of food being forced down your throat.
Losing control is randomly crying when you should be laughing, because your life is just so out of control.
This isn't recovery or relapse...this is losing control.
Losing control is binging off of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, crackers, tortilla chips, and a half gallon of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream.
Losing control is throwing it up after while crying on my aching knees over a toilet.
Losing control is starving the next day despite my irregular heart beats.
Losing control is isolating yourself from the world because you're ashamed of yourself; like eating is a sin.
Losing control is exercising despite your shaking knees.
Losing control is having nightmares of food being forced down your throat.
Losing control is randomly crying when you should be laughing, because your life is just so out of control.
This isn't recovery or relapse...this is losing control.
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