I ate as usual today, following my rigid diet that I claim is for bodybuilding, however I believe it is partly for bodybuilding and partly eating disordered. I am hungry now, but I don't want to eat. I'm not anxious about it, I just don't want to. I have thought about purging when I downed 6 candy bars and chips. I only exercised and returned to my "normal" diet.
A few weeks ago I slept over my grandparents house and binged off of an entire half gallon of icecream within 12 hours. I didn't puke, I didn't starve to compensate, however I did exercise compulsively and dieted until my diet felt as if I'd been on it for years. I was ashamed of my binge and refused to see family on thanksgiving, family parties, and dinners. Shame is a very powerful emotion; it isolates you from everything and everyone.
Sometimes I am too ashamed to write this, to admit my binges.
A few weeks ago I slept over my grandparents house and binged off of an entire half gallon of icecream within 12 hours. I didn't puke, I didn't starve to compensate, however I did exercise compulsively and dieted until my diet felt as if I'd been on it for years. I was ashamed of my binge and refused to see family on thanksgiving, family parties, and dinners. Shame is a very powerful emotion; it isolates you from everything and everyone.
Sometimes I am too ashamed to write this, to admit my binges.
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