“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

June 4th 2013

This time last year I was sick, but now I can say I am a lot better. I haven't posted lately because I have been focused on recovery, friendships, relationships, workouts and eating. I hate to use the word diet...because a diet is what I was on...now I just eat. I still think about anorexia. It's like an old friend that stabs you in the back. You believe it's faithful, making you better; stronger. It's slowly killing you. But you miss it. You miss the dysfunctional relationship you've had with it. The mirrors and cigarettes and fasted 10 mile run. You miss eating whatever you want because you'll throw it up later. You miss doing whatever you want; unsafe sex and wild parties and getting high because you may die from a heart attack. You miss not caring. But now you have life. You have health. You have sanity. You have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in your right hand and a glass for 2% milk y in the other.

3 comments:

  1. I think... I mean. I know what you're saying. But I am so proud that you are happy and successfully going through recovery. Really. Such a good job darling. SO much strength.

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  2. Dominc, You look amazing :) and im soo happy for you... The Times fighting you, not to go into the bathroom. trying to help you for an entire week. too your random outbreaks. I miss you at times. Im truly happy how your life turned out :) <3

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  3. I know what you´re saying. It is so hard to always tell yourself "No, if you look closely, it wasn´t better with anorexia, it was hard as hell, cold, exhausting and dangerous" and even harder to believe it. It won´t ever leave, I think.

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