Yesterday after my 1,500 calorie breakfast carb binge I starved for the rest of the day. I am getting better at this starving thing. I feel accomplished.
I met with my new therapist today. Her name is Julie. She's very nice. She told me that I'm underweight, could have heart failure, I could have broken bones, and could eventually die. Bullshit, I thought. That won't happen. I'm not even underweight. I'm average. I hate average because that means I'm not good enough. I'm stupid, average, and ugly. She wants me to be put in residential care in Boston. I don't want to go and might run away if it comes down to it. I have two weeks to get my weight from 123.6 to 140. I know that will not happen. I've worked so hard to get this thin; starved and wasted days with pains of hunger to get this thin.
As I leave her office I see a pale white, skeleton of a girl sitting in the waiting room, weak as hell.
She's perfect and beautiful. She must think I'm fat and gross, because compared to her I'm a fat.
Today ate 100 calories worth of green beans at around 2:30pm. How pathetic..a whole f*cking bag of greenbeans. I'm so fat
I'm scared to eat at all because if I eat something I'm afraid it'll be turned into fat. Is that how it works? I'm going to brush my teeth now to avoid the temptation of eating. I'm starving - something that I'm ashamed to admit
I met with my new therapist today. Her name is Julie. She's very nice. She told me that I'm underweight, could have heart failure, I could have broken bones, and could eventually die. Bullshit, I thought. That won't happen. I'm not even underweight. I'm average. I hate average because that means I'm not good enough. I'm stupid, average, and ugly. She wants me to be put in residential care in Boston. I don't want to go and might run away if it comes down to it. I have two weeks to get my weight from 123.6 to 140. I know that will not happen. I've worked so hard to get this thin; starved and wasted days with pains of hunger to get this thin.
As I leave her office I see a pale white, skeleton of a girl sitting in the waiting room, weak as hell.
She's perfect and beautiful. She must think I'm fat and gross, because compared to her I'm a fat.
Today ate 100 calories worth of green beans at around 2:30pm. How pathetic..a whole f*cking bag of greenbeans. I'm so fat
I'm scared to eat at all because if I eat something I'm afraid it'll be turned into fat. Is that how it works? I'm going to brush my teeth now to avoid the temptation of eating. I'm starving - something that I'm ashamed to admit
